Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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