The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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