Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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