And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
