i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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