This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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