Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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