He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
