I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
