We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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