my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
