just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
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