so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
