just come out here and I will go home with you...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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