1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
