A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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