I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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