I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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