Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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