I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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