at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
