dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
