cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
