i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
