just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
