Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It was confusing and full of hummus
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
