I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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