If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he fucked my hip out of place.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
