i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
