these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
