i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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