North Korea, Best Korea!
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
