my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
