now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
