I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize