you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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