someone owes me an orgasm
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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