walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
