I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Holy sore nipples Batman
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
