i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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