I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
