I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
