this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
