i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Farmville is her only friend.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize