Barsexuality is the new black.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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