It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
