ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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