Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
