i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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