The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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