woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
is this the sara with the beer cane?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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