You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
