I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
