and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i will never coherently bang her
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
