You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
