A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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