so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Im part way to drunk.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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