who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize