Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
