Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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