Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
did you just send me my own nude
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
