I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
