Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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