i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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