i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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