How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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