Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So many bounce houses so little time
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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