I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
