i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
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The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
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We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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