Who wears a wallet chain?!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
