Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
