I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
