we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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