I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
