Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
