we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
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you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
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Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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