What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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