don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
