last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
